Sometimes you’ve gotta “do it for the cookie,” or in today’s case, the latte and pb&j. This weird thing happens when I haven’t done something consistently for a while: I kinda’ forget that I can do it. In today’s case, it’s about riding my bike.
I don’t forget that I have the capability to stay upright and move forward, nor if I think about it, do I forget that my body has bike skillz that my head doesn’t even realize and has been totally able to save my ass from real trouble in the past. It’s more that I get really worked up, scared even, about getting started on the ride (or big run or open water swim!) After years of chronic pain and not always moving consistently because of it, I don’t always trust my body to be able to keep on keeping on once I’m out there in the middle of the ride, and I don’t want to have it fail and leave me on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.
I suppose that most of this isn’t particularly connected to current reality, but it’s a mental hurdle I keep having to get over to get out there lately. More and more, though, I’m starting to remember that I just need to show up and see what I’ve got on the day. I’m not meaning to sandbag (though I’ve certainly been guilty of lowering other people’s expectations over the years,) but I definitely need to stop putting myself down and just put myself out there instead to see what I can do. Adventures (and snacks!) await.